The quest for love continues. Although, to be honest, at this point I wonder how much of this is a quest or self-imposed punishment for an unknown crime.
Who: R, an It’s Just Lunch match
Occupation: MBA, Masters of Finance, works for a major soft drink company
Attraction factor: The IJL women describe R as very successful in the financial field, adventurous, fan of vegetarian cooking, friendly with dark hair and eyes.
What we did: Part of IJL’s service is that they set up the date at one of their restaurant partners. The deal is that the date is either lunch or casual drinks. R and I met for drinks at a place I’ve been to before that’s a five minute drive from my office, and is located in a very trendy area in the city. I was five minutes early but R was already there. I knew right away this guy is not for me. He’s just not my type and it has nothing to do with being a vegetarian. While he’s a nice looking man, his look is too boyish and slight for me. I’m attracted to tall, manly-looking men with some meat on their bones. We both ordered glasses of red. R’s not a drinker, and not that I’m an alcoholic but I do enjoy my tipple and I promptly ordered a second glass of wine because it was turning into one those evenings… when I needed an extra glass to get me through.
On the plus side: As with my last blind date with “D”, the conversation was very easy between us considering we were strangers. R was able to hold up his end and even though we come from very different worlds, in so many respects ranging from our culture to our daily work lives and lifestyles (he lives in the burbs and hates the city, I’m the opposite), we were able to discuss a number of subjects. I very much enjoyed hearing about R’s experiences growing up in India, and I was very impressed with how he immigrated to the States on his own ten years ago and then to Canada three years ago. We swapped notes on our individual immigration experiences bonded over how gruelling the process can be, from filing paperwork to adjusting to living in a new country. Also, despite his fondness for vegetarian cooking, R eats meat. He was a vegetarian for twelve years for moral reasons, but a friend dared him to eat meat so now he’s doing it to see if he can push his boundaries. I respect his desire to push his boundaries, after all I’m doing that with this exercise. He seems quite adventurous, and has tried hang-gliding, rock-climbing, white water rafting.
On the minus side: For as much as R dabbles in adventurous activities, he’s really square. He’s that smart, capable guy who does things to experience new things and you just know it’s so he can be “well-rounded”. While it’s very respectable, there’s nothing sexy about the guy. This is going to sound bizarre, but I was really caught off guard when he told me I had beautiful eyes. It was a wonderful compliment, but it came when I was zoning out on what he was talking about and, instead, was sizing him up as a potential lover (no, no, absolutely NOT, there was not one iota of attraction). I know, I probably sound like an ungrateful bitch. Hey, it’s great to get compliments. But c’mon. You’re with me… there’s something … well, just not fun when you get the “I’m interested” vibe loud and clear from a guy that you’re so not interested in.
Chances I’ll see him again: Meh, not so much. R asked at the end of our date if we could go out again, and I fumbled with my answer. I’m really bad at saying “No” on the spot. But no, I don’t want to see him again. He’s nice but there was no chemistry for me, so I feel it would be better to just move on.
Lesson learned: I’d love to write that I’ve learned a lot of positive things about myself and dating and that I feel more optimistic than ever, but I can’t. The one positive I can take away is that I’m impressed with the interesting men I’m meeting. If I met R in passing, I don’t think I would have learned as much about him and it’s cool to learn about other people, what their life experiences are, etc. But if anything, I’m learning that I feel pretty dismal about my dating prospects and that going out on a blind date that’s a bust only reinforces how negative I feel about the dating pool. I don’t know how to turn this around.
Maybe dating really is just a numbers game. I can only hope so, and keep my fingers crossed that if that’s the case, it’s only a matter of time before I spark with someone.